Posted 3 days ago Comments

I had a good birthday. I did. Had a squishy night in trillians, got lovely presents, and I has the best boyfriend evaaaaaar.

For once at least, I win at life ^_____^

xxx

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Posted 1 week ago Comments

I need to improve my judgement of people. I’m clearly shit at deciding whether or not a person is to be trusted or not, and whether or not they’re immature, selfish wastes of my time.

While it’s a little upsetting to know people you care(d) about weren’t worth it afterall; it’s that whole bitter sweet thing - I now know they are far from the decent people they claimed to be, and can just focus my efforts on those who actually ARE good, honest, dependable and genuinely caring/lovely people.

I’m past the playground games, I’ve grown out of the bitching about your ‘friends’ and the backstabbing, and the lies - if you’ve got a problem with me, go ahead and tell me. I’m not shy when it comes to telling people what I think. We’re meant to be adults afterall. Show a little maturity.

If you’d rather put on the little innocent face, while going behind everyones backs and causing shit - jog on mate, the act is getting old and doesn’t work now. You’re not needed here anymore. kthanksbai.

Moving on, I’m excited about this week!! Turning 20 in 3 days is a little disturbing given that I’m nowhere near where I wanted to be in terms of career, living arrangements, and money etc - and in comparison with other people around my age, I’m far behind on the winning life front. But nevermind, if all that comes out of my year of being 19 is that I know what I DON’T want, then fine. It’s progress in a way.

And anyway, in my nineteenth year of life I’ve finally realised what I want in terms of relationships. It’s Stan. It’s always been Stan. And I’m so happy with him, and it’s so sickly sweet, it could make you vomit. I may fail at everything else, but with him I win. He’s my pretty kitty!

I love being a spazz.

Over & Out.

p.s. Birthmas is guna pwn.

x

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Posted 2 weeks ago Comments

NOM NOM NOM.

I CAN HAS?

x

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Posted 3 weeks ago Comments

Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Nine night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Water is my eye
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire of a confession
Fearless on my breath
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

You’re stumbling in the dark
You’re stumbling in the dark

<3

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Posted 3 weeks ago Comments

Getting the feeling there’s something going on that people aren’t telling me.

If you’ve got nothing to hide, why keep secrets? You know I’ll find out eventually.

Honesty please, I can’t be doing with anymore bullshit.

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Posted 3 weeks ago Comments

if only everything was less complicated

and i could be with him, and he with me.

quietly we’d sit together, together we’d be,

and time would stand still for us,

and no words would stand in our way.

no voices of objection for us,

we’d be together, and we’d be okay.

if i could be his, and he could be mine.

we’d be together, and we’d be okay.

i’d be okay.

<3 Indeed.

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Posted 4 weeks ago Comments

HAI FLOOORRR, MAKE ME A SAMMIGEE!! X

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Posted 4 weeks ago Comments

HARRAWW INTERNETZZ.

I’ve been having a bad day. Which got progressively worse. And featured a spectacular online meltdown on msn.

Then I thought I’d do the rounds and check tumblr, only to find an entry by my dear Beki called  Disintegration, which oddly enough describes pretty much exactly how I’m feeling. It’s strange how despite living so far apart now, we still manage to create the same problems and situations for ourselves at about the same time.

Further fuel that we’re just the same person cut in half.

I’m guna steal bits of Beki’s now, as she is better with words than me.

’I managed to reach a new emotional low today, following an unprescidented breakdown into hysterical tears over [a 30 second phonecall].

I’m slightly unnerved by my own emotions. And my lack of control over them. I used to get stressed out because I didn’t know how to get what/where I wanted, now I’m frustrated because I don’t even know what they are.

Ultimately, I don’t have a fucking clue who I am at the moment. I have ideas, and things that I’d like to one day achieve, and they’re fine. But they aren’t safe. And I like safety. I like knowing that if I fail at something, I have a back-up plan.

I don’t like the person I am. I know now that I’ve made the wrong choices in certain areas, but I’m too scared/stubborn to do anything about it just yet.

But I’m going to have to soon, because there’ll come a time when I won’t be able to change anything. I’ll have left it too long, and it’ll be too late. Because underneath all the nonsense, the striving, the desire to be [succesful] and [supportive] and artistic and thoughtful and deep and passionate - I’m a girl from [Morpeth] who quite likes [squirrels], and cries when she burns the pancakes.  I don’t know why this bothers me so much. I think it’s the idea that I really really want to be different, but every time I try and do something, someone always does it slightly better, faster or more noticably than I do.

People often say that there’s something in life that defines everybody and makes them an individual. I’ve yet to find mine.

Bleh, if I was talking to someone else who’d said all that (excluding beki), I’d laugh and just tell them to grow a pair and get on with it.Perhaps my advice is something I should listen to for once.

p.s. Beki - CONSIDER YOURSELF QUOTED! love you

xxx

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Posted 1 month ago Comments

/vent.

I’ve decided, as soon as I have enough money, I’m going to check myself into a psych ward or something. If I didn’t know myself better, I’d say I was on crack or something.

I’m going to run away and win Bret Michaels on his bit tv show. Or hunt out Criss Angel. He’s a tasty cupcake.

Meef, silly to think that just a couple of months ago I had my life pretty much exactly how I wanted. And now I don’t. I really don’t. And it’s all my own doing. And the only person who can fix it is me, but I’m too stupid to understand what I
should do. Bad times.

I wrote down everything that is bothering me earlier. All the issues I’ve been trying to ignore. Hopefully now they’re written down infront of me, I’ll actually do something about them. It helped getting them out actually, half of it no-one
even knows, and I wouldn’t know how to tell anyone. I wish I wasn’t so closed sometimes. But thankfully, my laptop listens to me ;)

p.s. Liiv botanicals lip conditioner is AWESOME.

xx

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Posted 1 month ago Comments

I’ve gone and done it again..

Why do all the good things turn up, and why do you realise what’s been right infront of you is probably the best thing you could ever do, when it’s too fucking late.

I think I have some sort of disorder to wreck everything. I can’t seem to be content unless my life is on the point of falling.

I’m right back where I started, not sure what I should do. Not sure of what I want, or where I want to be.

And as always what I think I want would turn out to be the most complicated, what would really throw everything up in the air. But even if I got it, and I got there, I can’t say it would work.

I find myself once again wishing that I had some sort of magical future showing device that would let me see what would happen if I went one way, and then what would happen if I went another. And then I could make an informed decision and everything would be awesome and swish and I’d get a sugar glider and call him Mister Floofkin Von Doomster. And Patrick Swayze wouldn’t have died. He’d have lived for aaaages as leader of all the perfect men in the world.

skjndfgnhfnbnrthonryonhoryimhrmyh;lmrft;m;rmthmtrohmmsedhlksdrhlknFAIL.

x

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